i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
