I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
