I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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