Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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