Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
