whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
