I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Apparently you make a good broom.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
