I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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