Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
