i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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