I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
