babies were throwing up all over the place
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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