I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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