We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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