When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
