Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
