pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize