Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
