allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
