Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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