yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
