Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
