I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
