She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
