When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
