i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
