on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
