I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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