I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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