I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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