i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
