So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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