youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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