I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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