I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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