it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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