mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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