If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
