Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
