Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize