apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm at about main and main street
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
