theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize