she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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