the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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