Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
