She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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