I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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