At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
