just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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