i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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