I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
