First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I touched a dick in church today
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
