Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
