watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize