one two three fourrrrnication!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
