What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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