How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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