we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
