I'm jealous of your bromance
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
