I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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