She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
