well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
