that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
