She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
